22/07/2010

oh, hello.

so i'm just gonna put it out there, because i know you're thinking it anyhow.

i recognize that it's been a ridiculously long time. oh, hello again.

big changes here. so many big ones i don't even know where to begin. i'll just have to get to them as i get to them. that seems to be my motto lately ... one step at a time. baby steps, even.

some things i didn't realize before i began this whole whacked-out process..
  • that i really had no clue what i was in for
  • that's sometimes the challenge about making big sweeping changes to everything
  • that life without cable is an entirely different animal when you're living by yourself
  • that being said, i really love coming home from work and making a big ole plate of sweet potato fries with a side of chipotle aioli and watching glee. i'll have sour jujubes for dessert too.
  • while taking (completely unintentional) time away from the blogworld to work on getting myself grounded again has been pretty ok, i miss it.
  • at times, blogging helped me keep mindful
  • at others, i felt so, so terribly inauthentic.
  • i'm not going to be inauthentic anymore
  • that's not to say this is going to become a tell-all blog, so y'all can breathe easy
  • i'm re-reading my post from the beginning of the year and i feel like a totally different person
  • no, seriously, i do. that's a good thing.
  • particularly that whole 'what we give our attention to is what we become' shebang. how wise is that gwen bell?!
  • sometimes i get so wrapped up in the anxiety of the moment that i forget to be mindful. and why i'm doing and sometimes i panic and forget to breathe
  • and sometimes i just need to remind myself, this will all be ok someday
  • i said today that i wish it was three months from now.
  • i take that back
  • i'm glad i have today. today is where i learn. today is who i am. today is what i make of it.
  • and that's when i put one foot in front of the other, and take another baby step forward.

6 comments:

T.Allen-Mercado said...

hello. hello, again. "i'm glad i have today. today is where i learn. today is who i am. today is what i make of it." say this often.

welcome back.

Tiffany said...

You've been missed!

katrina lauren said...

good to see you again...i went on a hiatus myself but have been slowly started to post again...
this is a thought provoking post and i know what you mean about the inauthentic part...that's the challenge; to share and be real but still leave some things for just yourself...
xo.
k

Julia said...

Court! I hear you--this is such a fabulous post. Thank you for your thoughts, vulnerability, honesty--it's so inspirational. I'm finding myself having to take things one day at a time, as well! Hang in there. And have some jujubees on me, baby!

cindy said...

oh, hello! don't be so hard on yourself and take a deep breath from time to time. some of the things we fret about merely represent a grain of sand on the beach of our lives. sounds good and wish i could think like that myself as a person who worries quite a bit. welcome back whenever you want to be around because blogging is supposed to be fun.

Kendra said...

Hi,
I just want to say this post is very inspiring to me. I don't know if you meant it to be that way, but I understand a lot of what you're saying and a lot of it are things I need to hear and remember myself. "I panic and forget to breathe"..."THis will all be ok someday" "today is where I learn"

Thank you for this post :)

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