just what the doctor ordered.

take this moment.

stop. turn off your music, if you have it on.
straighten your back.
close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you, whatever they may be.
take a deep breath in. keep going until your lungs fill with air.
hold it there for a second; feel them stretched to capacity.
let it out slowly, and then open your eyes.

chances are that this day may not be the best day of your life; it may not be the worst either. it's likely to be somewhere in that vast expanse of the in-between. either way, this day is your life. not tomorrow, not yesterday.

live it the best way you know how. you're more than worth it.

xo 

for sale

so one of the things i've been talking quite a bit about recently is being more authentic 'round these parts. most seem to agree that it's altogether too easy to throw up posts about pretty furniture and decor, or just not post that day because you didn't quite feel like putting on a happy face. or delay in putting up pictures of your pretty new apartment because it's not quite the way you want it to look yet, or because you don't have the energy or inclination to get it presentable. (who, me? i've definitely never done that. ever. pssshhh.)

but sometimes people need to see a bit of that. the clutter. you know? it makes the blogworld seem a whole lot more human, but it also (i suspect) makes us feel a bit less inclined to be perfectionists ourselves. life isn't about perfection and constantly looking to the future for what's to come. it's about living it in the moment. about being mindful about the state of the present day, and what's more - being okay with it, even if your windows are dirty and you feel messy inside.

or maybe it's just me.

either way, this week has been a week of more changes in my life.. ones that i don't have control over. (blech - my favourite!) after 24 years in the same space, my mom put her place on the market on monday. and then my dad did the same thing with his place, our family's cottage. that's a whole lotta memories going up for sale all at once. and it sucks, and it's sad. saying goodbye to both when they've been such a big part of my past is going to be tough. it's not as if it's a total surprise given the circumstances, but something really drives it home when you see it listed on the real estate website, the bits and pieces of your former life broken down into things like square footage and a two-car garage.


i know that those memories obviously will stay with me, and i know that both places have changed since i was little and are much, much more different than what i remember them to be for very different reasons. i know that there's awesome things laying in wait for us, in the future. but for now, i'm gonna take a little bit of time to look over my shoulder at the places i've come from.

oh, hello.

so i'm just gonna put it out there, because i know you're thinking it anyhow.

i recognize that it's been a ridiculously long time. oh, hello again.

big changes here. so many big ones i don't even know where to begin. i'll just have to get to them as i get to them. that seems to be my motto lately ... one step at a time. baby steps, even.

some things i didn't realize before i began this whole whacked-out process..

• that i really had no clue what i was in for
• that's sometimes the challenge about making big sweeping changes to everything
• that life without cable is an entirely different animal when you're living by yourself
• that being said, i really love coming home from work and making a big ole plate of sweet potato fries with a side of chipotle aioli and watching glee. i'll have sour jujubes for dessert too.
• while taking (completely unintentional) time away from the blogworld to work on getting myself grounded again has been pretty ok, i miss it.
• at times, blogging helped me keep mindful
• at others, i felt so, so terribly inauthentic.
• i'm not going to be inauthentic anymore
• that's not to say this is going to become a tell-all blog, so y'all can breathe easy
• i'm re-reading my post from the beginning of the year and i feel like a totally different person
• no, seriously, i do. that's a good thing.
• particularly that whole 'what we give our attention to is what we become' shebang. how wise is that gwen bell?!
• sometimes i get so wrapped up in the anxiety of the moment that i forget to be mindful. and why i'm doing and sometimes i panic and forget to breathe
• and sometimes i just need to remind myself, this will all be ok someday
• i said today that i wish it was three months from now.
• i take that back
• i'm glad i have today. today is where i learn. today is who i am. today is what i make of it.
• and that's when i put one foot in front of the other, and take another baby step forward.